So blogging. I've been floating around for years, 11 years to be precise. Just floating around. Nothing tethering me down. Nothing keeping me focused. Nothing retaining my concentration. Nothing particularly exciting me. Nothing motivating me and nothing igniting my passion. Every single day for the last 11 years, well not every single day, take out about 6 months when I start something new, I have felt like I am just floating around. Always feeling like I'm missing something huge. So I decided to start this blog. There must be a lot of other people out there feeling exactly the same way so I thought it might be a good way to open up, connect and maybe focus on something for once. In this first post I'll go into my background as once that is done we can all move on!
I've just turned 34 by the way. I have no kids and I am not married, although I have lived with my partner for 10 years.
During College and University I had focus. I didn't entirely know what I wanted to do after but at least I had focus for the time being. I wasn't hugely academical but I loved learning and studying, and of course the social aspect! During my studying days I worked part time at a theme park. Now that was a great job. I think overall I worked there for about 5 or 6 years. It was a fantastic place to work, apart from working every single hot day, every single weekend and every single bank holiday. Even working those days wasn't so bad. The atmosphere was brilliant, my colleagues were brilliant, the job was brilliant and the social aspect was brilliant. I can't ever remember going to work with a feeling of dread. A hangover yes, but no feeling of dread. Once I had graduated from Uni I thought it was time, and so did my parents, that I got a 'proper job'. I am not belittling the career choice of a theme park but I didn't want to work every weekend and bank holiday. These are the jobs that I have tried over the years:
supermarket cashier. I lasted 3 hours here. I didn't like the uniform and I just didn't like the job.
Administrator for a medical research company. I lasted 3 months. To be fair it was only a temporary role but I had completed all the work in 3 months.
Sex line operator. I didn't even take my first call. I thought it was a crazy job role and sounded like fun but once I had read all the information I think I was just too young and naive to do the job.
Health product sales for a specific company. I loved the products but I just couldn't push people to buy them. Plus the only way to make the real money was to recruit people.
Credit card sales for a bank. I lasted about a year in this job and I think I might have sold about 2 credit cards in that time. The two people I worked with were great fun and I have no idea how I didn't get the sack. The underlying problem with most of these roles so far is sales. I'm not sure how I didn't grasp that selling things was not my forte. I could have saved myself a lot of time!
The next job I had was working for a local council. I worked there for 2 years. I actually really enjoyed it there but I was young and it was only the people that made it fun. The role itself was limiting, boring, there was no career path and the money wasn't great.
Then I worked for a Police Force taking non emergency calls. I loved this job. I loved the variety, the challenge and talking to different people every day. I was pretty good at this job and always top of the stats for each week. My bosses were full of praise for me and all was going really well. There the challenge ended. Although the calls varied immensely I felt I couldn't get any better at what I was doing. I no longer felt challenged and it was time to move on.
I stayed in the Force but moved to a completely different role. A role which I stayed in, because of the money for 8 years. The job was still dealing with the public but also quite a technical role requiring an in depth knowledge of photoshop which I loved. I think I remained interested in this role for about 4 years. I only remained there so long because the money was so good and the 3 people I worked with had become my best friends. When the structure of the organisation began to change it all started to fall apart. My boss, mentor and very good friend, lost her job and she was replaced with someone with far less knowledge than I had. I found it almost impossible to work for someone who didn't motivate me, couldn't teach me anything and could not inspire me. After a long old battle trying to upkeep the quality of the work that we produced I gave in. Quality no longer mattered to them, it was all about saving money. So, I took a jump, with my eyes completely closed in to the world of self employment...
Childminding. Don't ask me why I chose this because I'm pretty sure the answer is someone suggested it to me so I thought I would give it a go. It's not that easy to start up, study the course, pay for everything, become ofsted registered and make enough money so it took me a year to begin this career. I do love children, I always have. I have loads of nieces and a nephew and my partner has 3 children from his previous marriage so I have always been surrounded by children. I was really excited about this new career and highly motivated. I did everything I needed to do. I started childminding on 2nd September 2013. So almost 3 months ago. As I sit here in my living room surrounded by toys and paperwork I am really not sure about this now. I know I am going to get slated for this but I just don't think this is the career for me either. I really do love the children that I look after and I think I'm pretty good at my job but I have begun to wonder how long I can actually do this for. I always wanted a home that looks lived in but this is getting a bit ridiculous. I have toys and craft stuff coming out of my ears. My kitchen is a mess and there is always something smeared on the sofas. I have to make sure every single night that I hoover and that my living room and kitchen are really clean. I am not a dirty person but sometimes you know, you just want to go to bed and leave the washing up until the morning. I can't do that. Unless I want to get up at 6. Which I don't. Anyway, like I said, I always wanted a home that looks lived in but as I sit here amongst this mess I find myself salivating over an insanely modern house with glass and clear floors and walls. I want clean lines and sleek furniture. I want amazing lighting and a wine fridge. I am dreaming of an immaculate house. I have never wanted this ever. But now I do.
So this is me. I know it sounds like I haven't given anything a real chance or put any effort in to anything but I have, I really have. It's when that studying or learning or setting up ends that I become bored. It's not even that the job is boring but that I just think it is boring because it's not what I should be doing. I wish I did know what I should be doing. I wish I could find something that I feel so passionate about that I can't stop running. I know there is something out there for me I just need to find it. In my next blog I'll be looking at all the business ideas I have come up with over the past 11 years. Some of them I have revisited a few times and I feel a slight sense that one of them is the right one, but which one??
(thanks for reading my first ever blog, if anyone does!)
